Grief it has several meanings, deep sorrow (usually when someone dies), trouble or annoyance. When you change roles in your life and become a caregiver to someone you love it is hard. I could never over come if it was not for the relationship, strength, and faith I have in God.
I like the word over come instead of survivor, sometimes survivor is just making it, I want to do more than that for sure. My husband is a living example to me of an overcomer. He has over come so much of the damage done by the stroke.
If I sit back and think about individual days, it is not much but when I think I have shaved his face close to 1,000 times. Pulled 2 socks up almost a 1,000 times, made sure he is taking the morning vs. the evening medicine almost 2,000 times, 1000 injections of insulin. I have lost count of the times rolling over in bed and making sure he is still breathing. Or the million (at least) times I have asked if he was ok.
The hours, days, weeks sleeping in a chair in a hospital and trying to take a sponge bath at the sink and hoping no one walks in because the hospital room bathroom doors don’t lock.
The deoderant, shoe tying, cologne spraying. Holding the bowl so he can get the last of the cereal, fruit or ice cream out. Cutting meat, helping to feed when the right hand is not working.
Telling him he cannot drive yet, and wiping the tears away and feeling like I just kicked him when he was down.
You choose to be the caregiver out of love, responsibility and the knowledge that you know you can do it best. I am married so I also have vows. Most people don’t think about the vows because you are usually young and there is so much time. There is not always alot of time. I am thankful for the maturity, and stamina I have to be a caregiver. I am thankful for my friends and family who love us and are willing to jump in and help when needed. I am thankful for my son who lives with us and does not hesitate to help.
I like to think back to those days when the stroke first happened and the prognosis was not good. Why would I do this? Because remembering, reminds me of how blessed we are and how miraculous life can be.
The grief comes and goes, and cannot be dwelled upon. Grief can be good and cleansing to grieve and live on. To grieve and give care. To grieve and make decisions. To grieve and overcome.