Sometimes there is a deep sadness that comes with a stroke. Often it appears to be random and rises up suddenly at times.
Recently my husband woke up feeling sad. He wanted to know if I wanted to be with him, did I love him. Did I want him, did I want to be with him, should he go to live in one of those places for old people. I don’t know where this came from how this thought started. It has happened several times in the past and I never am sure what to say to make it right.
I can list all of the things he does around the house and yard. Even as I am saying them they sound awful and boring and nothing important. To me they are amazing. I work and he does most of the regular housekeeping chores and I do not have to do them after working all day or spend my weekend cleaning. We all do our part.
I could remind him he almost died, and that he was completely paralyzed on the right side. I don’t know if that would be right.
The amazing part is first he came home in a wheel chair, couldn’t talk, couldn’t remember anything and could barely feed himself. When he would sweep the floor he would sweep the dirt under the table or bed and leave it because he could no longer see it.
He needed reassurance and I wanted to know where the thought came from. The brain is such a wondrous, tough and fragile organ. I thought was there something lurking in there that stayed when he had the stroke and now it comes to the surface every so often. Or are the feelings just because he knows he is not the same as before the stroke?
He is so much more than that stroke and the damage he sustained. He has focus, stubbornness (which he always had). He is more concerned with his help. He doesn’t give up. His body is in fabulous shape. Sometimes his emotions are so much on the surface frustration with putting on a sock can cause tears.
Our son just told us the other day we will never go to a nursing home, he said no matter what he has to do he will make sure he learns what he needs to take care of us. Isn’t that a great sentiment? But maybe that is where some part of that conversation got stuck in the brain.
What happened was I reassured him he was loved and important. I also reminded him he was the son of a king. God brought him out of a devastating stroke where he was near death. He has a purpose and he is a miracle in front of everyone who meets him and hears his story.