I found both my faith being strengthen and challenged since the stroke. When it happened and I had God’s assurance that my husband would live. Finding I could lean into my faith for all the decisions and harshness of watching someone you love almost die.
Now we face another health challenge, surgery, biopsy. I am overwhelmed at times with fear, often it is irrational fear. The thought of my love having to endure anesthesia, pain, and trauma to his body. My mind races back to the last surgery where he bled, had to go right back into surgery, iron, blood transfusion, and his kidneys crashed.
But God was ever present.
We have talked he is a little worried but assures me of how good a shape he is in, which is very true. He tells me I am strong and he is strong.
I cried at his tests, and he reassured me.
Now I need to concentrate on what needs to be done and planned. I want to deep clean the house. I have a list of questions for the pre-surgery appointment. I will advise them that I will be staying with him. Then I need to pack what will be needed in the hospital. I have done it before, I just really hoped I would not be doing it again.
Preparing some food to help my Special needs son who wants to stay by himself for the first time in his life. My heart says no, but my brain says that it will be great for him. He will not be totally on his own. We have a fantastic circle of people in our lives.
I also must think about if things do not go great and we have to stay in the hospital longer. Making sure I communicate when needed to his family and our children, and friends. I will plan on working after a few days off. I have worked from a hospital more than I ever thought was possible in one lifetime.
One of the fantastic things in my life is my job, the benefits and my bosses and teammates. Really blessed in the arena of employment.
Now it is just time for me and the Lord to get thru this, God knows the outcome. As I made the bed this morning, I thanked God for taking the irrational fear from my mind.
I am going on more walks with my husband and dragging him down to see more sunrises with me.
I am thankful to be working at home so I can enjoy all the moments of everyday life.