Isn’t There Always Hope?

The answer to the title is yes! The definition of Hope is a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. God makes sure there is always hope. Hope and Faith go hand in hand. I daily renew my hope and faith that my husband will be restored to his fully functioning mind and body.

I sit and watch sometimes as he struggles to cut a simple piece of food and I want to jump in and just make it easier for him but that is not in the long run helping. When he tries to put his shoes on before his socks I want to say wait socks first. I must wait and be patient and wait for that brain to fire correctly. It is so hard. I cannot measure it or describe it. However the alternative was not to have the fight at all.

I often look at him and think how blessed I am to be able to look, touch and talk to him. Sometimes I wonder will my strength, memory, energy and patience dissolve. The decision and it is a decision to not let it dissolve is the one I make daily. I make it for several reasons. One is the flood of tears and weakness that would happen if I made the wrong choice. The other is the collapse of our family and our life.

The right choice means I continue to shave his face, help with his socks, practice his speech with him. I cry in secret and I pray in public.

Something I have learned to do was not ask “are you ok?” too often. I try not to wake him up checking to see if he is breathing at night. I don’t worry anymore if he remembers to use soap or shampoo while showering. I am thrilled with every walk we get to take together. When comes to me proud that he put his own shirt on right and remembered something. The great day when a street is recognized and pronounced properly. When a memory of our children is discussed with clarity.

So enduring does not have to include suffering, a decision can be made to endure with joy. I am trying to endure with JOY! I am going to endure with Hope and Faith.

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