The First 14 Days

The first 14 days I did not leave the hospital except for an hour or two running to my friends house to take a shower.  The first thing that happens after the seriousness of the situation sinks in is that you have to make decisions about everything and the whole family is depending on you to make the right ones.

Information piles on you from all around, at one time there was a Neurologist, Pulmonologist, Infectious Disease, Neurosurgeon, Nutritionist, Nurses, then the Respiratory, physical, occupational and speech therapists.  Droves of nurses all buzzing around you in Neuro ICU to make sure no stone is unturned in the best care for your loved one. But with that comes decisions, some are easy and some are hard.

I am not saying I did not cry or get upset or feel sorry, sad, desperate but at least during all of that God keep assuring Scotty is not going to die.  That being said it was a very long 14 days, I worked, I prayed, I sat by his side, I whispered in his ear “You fight and come back to me”  what a truly selfish statement.

I looked at my husband bloated, swollen with tubes and things in every possible opening in his body.  I longed to just touch but there was not much open skin.  I cried because I missed talking to him.  I needed him to help me make decisions but the decisions were for him and he could not help.

Every chance I had to wash a part of him, lotion his feet, and shave his face I did it with determination, frustration and joy to be of service.  I would fall asleep for a minute and then it was time to leave the room so they could do a chest x-ray and I would shuffle down the hall in my dirty pink fuzzy slippers, nodding to the nurses as I passed.  Then back to nod off and jump up when the doctors made their rounds.  A whole pack of people whispering and talking about your loved one. Waiting and pacing until you could talk and ask questions get test results and see what was going to happen next.

During this time I had to make the decision to put a ventilator in, I was horrified, the kids were looking at me, our Pastor was there I was stricken.  I walked out into the hall to sob, I watch too much TV what did I know about vents…You put one in and next thing you know they are telling you, you have to decide to pull the plug.

God puts people in the place he wants them to be and if they are faithful his words come out of their mouth.  My pastor who is a man’s man and I could never imagine living 1/2 a life looked at me and said if it was me, I would want my wife to put me on the vent.  I made the decision and he could breathe.  Then the night nurse  who I adored because  he was fantastic and quick, neat as pin and wonderful manner said Diane this is a big step back for Scotty but what you did was give him a chance to live.  What can I say God wrapped it up in  a bow for me.