Fighting fear is a battle many people face everyday of their lives and their fear is real, the intensity of the fear is personal. I don’t think I would have survived my husband’s stroke without God’s presence in my life as well as my pastor and friends who supported me in many different ways.
I felt God’s assurance that Scotty would not die in the emergency room. That does not mean I was not scared or did not weep. There was plenty of weeping. Fighting the fear with my relationship with God is what brought me through.
There was a situation where God let me know he was with me and Scotty and I was making the right decision.
What started out as high emotion day because therapy was getting Scotty out of bed to exercise and sit in a chair and everything was going great until his oxygen level bottomed out and he was in a crisis. They moved quickly and efficiently getting him into bed and the oxygen going strong his levels went up, then down, then up , then down. I know there may be more horrible things to see but someone struggling to breath is bad.
The pulmonologist with the bad bedside manner was called, he explained to me we need to put Scott on a vent or he would probably die. I thought immediately of all the real life and TV shows….a person goes on a vent and then you are deciding to pull the plug. I couldn’t bear it, why did I have to decide. I walked into the hallway crying . My boys were in the room, my pastor was there looking at me waiting for the decision. But Oh God how good he is my pastor who I think of as a great guy and a man’s man.
He said “Diane if it was me I would want Kathy to put the vent in” Of course it was Scotty’s life , his chance and I had to think for him I agreed.
Then that evening the night nurse another great one, came in and said “Diane, I know this is a big step back for Scott’s progress but what you did was give him a chance to live.”
This is how good God is to give you confirmation and reassurance when you are weak and need him the most. Out of our weakness comes great faith!